The good news about being disorganised

I used to approach the start of the new school year with dread, as I spent time sewing name labels into school PE kits that I knew would go missing within a matter of weeks, and bought water bottles and stationary that would disappear into the ether.  And that’s before we even got to the missed deadlines, late nights doing homework that was remembered at the last minute and strained conversations with tired and grumpy children about their poor organisation skills.  

I always started the year with a smidgen of hope that this year would be better, and it would be for a while, but then we’d all get tired and cranky by November and collapse resignedly into a heap of disorganisation.

“Why can’t my kids get organised?’ is often a question I hear.  And there are of course a myriad of responses. 

Because they are young and the part of their brain that houses those skills hasn’t developed yet

Because they might be/are neurodivergent

Because our anxious children go into fight/flight/freeze mode and that part of the brain that houses those organisational skills shuts down

Because Covid and lockdown impeded their progress in those skills

And a number of other reasons

But there is good news in all this.  Although you might fear that your kids will NEVER learn the skills, they will.  Research shows that 90% of young people who struggle with organisation develop executive function skills that are needed for a successful life.  Yes, they might forget their keys every now and then (guilty as charged), but they will be fine, I promise.  Even my own kids have developed their skills.

And that’s because the brain is a remarkable thing, and as we build habits and repeat actions, neurons form links and behaviours come more naturally to us.  A bit like when you park your car in the drive and can’t remember anything about your journey home - it’s like a muscle memory, something that you do without thought.

And so, with consistency (even if it’s not perfect consistency), organisation skills can be learned.

Now, will your kids learn them from you?  Well, there’s the challenge :-)  Who of us listened to our parents’ advice when we were teenagers?  Even with my skills and qualifications, I still resorted to a bit of outside support and coaching for my eldest child in this area.  Of course, they’ll learn from our own modelled behaviour and suggestions to a certain extent, but if it gets to the point where conversations about organisational skills are so strained, do outsource the task to someone who can help.  It’s much more important that you have a good relationship with your child than they meet an assignment deadline.

And if you do need some outside help, do get in touch.  I might be the right person for the job.