Top ways to support EF skills at home

I'm often asked what top things we can do when our child struggles with executive function. There aren't any really 'quick fixes', but here are some of the strategies that I've seen make a difference:

1. Deal with any practical obstacles first: are they getting enough sleep? Eating well? Feeling connected with others? These fundamentals are so important to effectively using EF skills. If your child is chronically tired, not eating healthily or not getting enough time to connect to others, start with these goals first.

2. Deal with the emotional obstacles: If we are feeling stressed, unsafe, or anxious, the amygdala, the guard dog in our brain, will keep barking at us and make it difficult to access our EF skills. How can you help reduce those anxieties and stresses? Does your child need to talk? Learn coping strategies? Walk away from the stresses? These are important factors that may need support, and also the best thing to do as parents is to model good habits to support well-being so our children can learn from us.

3. Help your child identify one small area they want to work on - focus on one small thing at a time. Look at my EF skills profile assessment to work out a focus area. Just something small to start with.

4. Ask questions to build motivation. If I could wave a magic wand and make this challenge go away, how would that change your life/relationships/use of time/stress levels/sense of achievement? Help them to see what they could gain from addressing this challenge.

5. Agree to try one small change consistently over two to three weeks. Keep checking in: is this helping? How can we make this easier/more achievable? What is getting in the way of this working? This is working - great! What impact is that having on your day?

6. If the questions are too full on, turn them into ‘I notice…’ or ‘I wonder…’ statements e.g. I notice that using the schedule helps you feel more calm; I notice that you are having a hard time starting that task. I wonder how we can make that easier?’ This language will help diffuse situations and comes from a place of curiosity rather than control, and will be much better received all round.

7. Remember to model those executive function habits and behaviours yourself. What does your child see about the way you manage your time/deal with distraction/plan complex tasks? Do you need to set goals in these areas too?

What have you tried at home? Which one is the biggest challenge?